Are you sure?

My son has the most incredible, special feet there ever were. His little toes are so adorable. I love how soft and sweet the are. And when he runs, sometimes my eyes well with tears of gratitude. 

"For we live by faith, not by sight."
-2 Corinthians 5:7

Today we met with his orthopedic doctor. Our first visit in a year. As we entered the elevator to the office, I looked over at my husband and referenced the many times in Hudson's first few months of life we had been in that very space. Anxious for what would be. 

I can't help but to tell you that I was anxious today about our appointment. We experienced so many unknown things when Hudson was first diagnosed with clubbed feet. It was as if all of those feelings came rushing back. 

But today was different. Today, the doctor looked at us and said [jokingly],

"are you sure this boy had clubbed feet?" 

As if to say, his feet are so perfect now that he just couldn't believe his feet had been so deformed at birth. 

I realize now that Hudson having clubbed feet at birth was like literally one of the more mild issues we could have dealt with as brand new parents. But I also remember the despair I felt for my child when he was born and began to have his feet casted every week. 

There are so many parents experiencing challenges with their brand new little ones that can be SO scary in those first few months, and you just feel like you have no idea how you will make it through. Not only do you adjust your sleep schedule, but your body (as a new mama) is going through some wacky changes and things in general. Then to top it all off, you have this child who depends on you for it's every need. It can be a bit much for two people to handle. 

I remember what our orthopedic doctor and his physicians assistant said to us in our first ever consultation with them. It struck me then and it still strikes me when I think back on it. 

I was a hot mess in that doctors office that day. I was a 20ish weeks pregnant woman who had just been told her child was going to have bilateral clubbed feet and would need lots of treatment in order to even be able to walk, let alone run or dance [like he does so BEAUTIFULLY today]. I was thinking about all of the things we would face as new parents with a child who had clubbed feet, and I was on the verge of tears through just about the whole thing. And then the PA looked at me and said so very honestly, 

"you just worry about your baby, we are going to take care of his feet." 

If the tears weren't flowing before that point, they were then. 

And I kind of think sometimes that is what God is saying to us [in a round about way]. You just keep on going, I'll take care of the rest. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds in the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they?"
-Matthew 6:25-26

Oh boy, I got a dose of a reminder today in that office again. Two years later. We are blessed. OH so blessed. And God, the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, Alpha and Omega, He is oh so GOOD. 

One Year Later

My dearest Hudson,

I cannot believe it's been a year since that eventful day you came into this world. I want you to know how many people were there at the hospital, all day, waiting for your arrival. Before you even arrived, you had captured the hearts of so many. But as your mommy, I cannot tell you how much joy, fear, strength, and love you have brought into my life. I have said it so many times, but before you, I had longed so much to be a mother and you made all of those hopes and dreams come true by making me one!

Your entrance brought a lot of joy, but there was also a lot of uncertainty. As your mommy I worried a lot about whether you would grow and thrive the way I know God intentioned for you to. There were so many people praying for you and your treatment as an itty bitty boy. I remember those first few weeks being some of the most heart aching, wonderful days of my life. It was hard watching you have to wear those little casts all of the time. Yet, I was mesmerized by you. We dreamt of the day we would watch you run and play. Although there were days that were extrememely difficult, I want you to know that Jesus kept me constant and reminded me that you, my son, were going to do great things.

As the days slowly turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, you continued to not only grow and thrive, but overflow our cups with joy and love. You were SUCH a good little boy. You slept well, you ate well, you cuddled, you cooed, you pooped, and you did it all in stride. I know there will be a lot you will teach me about patience.

Hudson, this past week, celebrating your first birthday was simply a reminder from the Lord of His promises. Jesus promised daddy and I that He would take care of you this first year and the years to come, and he did that and so much more. I wish there was a way to put into words how it feels to be your mommy, but I simply cannot limit the love I have for you to a few words on a page. You must know through everything I do that you are loved immeasurably more!

You will look back at pictures as you grow big and strong and see that there were many people here to celebrate you on your first year. You are that special to so many people. It was the most perfect day. There was a crisp fall feel to the air, and the sun shone so bright for you. Friends and family filed into our little house with food, gifts and smiles anxiously awaiting to hear your sweet giggle or catch a glimpse of your stunning smile with those eyes that would light up a room. We laughed as you (and mommy and daddy) opened gifts and you were so enamored with the big kids trying to help as well. We celebrated by singing happy birthday, and letting you dig in to your monster cake. Which you did, and you ate about half. Haha. The day was simply a reflection of the joy and happiness you have brought us over this past year. And in true fashion, you made this day even more perfect by taking your  very first steps. YOU my son, are a miracle and those first steps are more than just that. They represent all that you will accomplish in this life.

I want to wish you a very happy first birthday, and simply try and tell you I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for being my joy, and my pride. You are my boy.

Love,

Your mommy


We partied hard to celebrate your birthday sweet boy, here are our captured moments!

Answers

It's been a few months since my last post. I had assumed I would blog more when summer hit, but I have been so consumed with spending time with my little family it's been difficult to sit down and do it. Should I also mention I've started my MASTERS! I'm a crazy girl, I know. But I have to get it done before any more babes. That's my goal. Being a professional, an effective teacher, its important to me and I didn't want to loose that in myself. I want to be fair to myself and show my son how to follow Gods will for his life even when it's not cookie cutter simple. That's that. I'm doing it, and I wouldn't have had the faith to jump into it had my husband not pushed me! He's my support. So that being said, I just finished my homework for the night and wanted to reflect on today and the past few months (since I am such a dedicated blogger).

RANT: I will NEVER be a that insanely amazing perfect blogger, with tons of projects completed, organized house, life, etc. SORRY. AND it's hard sometimes because I am such a perfectionist. That's why Pinterest is bad for me sometimes. Makes be feel constantly inadequate.

BUT THEN I REMEMBER: My little family is IMPERFECTLY PERFECT. And I LOVE this life. So its okay. It's messy sometimes. And then I clean it up. :) Haha. My hubby hates it when I get all OCD. 

Okay, so past few months have been wonderful. Summer began and we HAVE been working on some house projects, some baby projects, and have been loving our time with Huddy.

Recap of the past few months:

1. Hudson has 4 teeth.

2. Hudson can crawl.

3. Hudson talks and laughs ALL of the time. It is PURE joy.

4. Hudson is pulling up. Freaking me out.

5. House has been BABY PROOFED!

6. Hudson eats ALL of time! And he feeds himself. He's like a real little human. Whoa. 

7. Hudson loves to swim.

8. Mommy is a nervous wreck all of the time with all this movement.

9. Feet check up NEXT WEEK. (Crossing our fingers for daytime FREE feet, aka, boots and brace will only be worn while sleeping.)

10. God has still been faithful. No words.

A boy and his dog. He is in love with Lucy. We warned her this would happen. She definitely had it coming!

Discovering black beans are SO messy, but SO fun. Boys.

Enjoying Nanna & Pop Pop's pool.

The face of ornery!

Today we had a long awaited appointment to get some answers about Hudson's club feet and minor hand issues. First of all, can I just say how blessed we are to have such a wonderful Children's hospital right here in our city with so many wonderful doctors and nurses? Ok, yes. It's true. It's wonderful. 

Today we met with a Genetics doctor. We went in with several puzzle pieces, club feet, deformities in his hands, fused spinal bones, and possibly some eye, and heart issues. We left with a diagnosis. Hudson has what is called Duane-Radial Ray Syndrome. It's a pretty huge answer to prayer to know now what this disorder is that has affected my family for five generations now. It's what I have with my little crooked thumb, and what several other family members have. For so long, they assumed Hudson's clubfeet was an isolated case, but today we discovered that clubfeet is just a variation of this syndrome. He may have a slight "lazy eye" although not very noticeable. He also has a very small heart murmur, which is not of huge concern as they are fairly common. One of the other symptoms of this syndrome is hearing loss so Hudson will go in for regular hearing tests. His Daddy also has mid range hearing loss and that's a family trait on his side so it's pretty possible Hudson will have to deal with some of that as well. 

I just wanted to cry today. At first, I was so happy to finally know that we had a diagnosis and that we could use that to know what to expect. So I wanted to cry because I was happy. It's a big deal. Then, it was all just a little overwhelming, and I wanted to cry because I didn't know what his future would bring him. It took me back to the same moment when we discovered he had club feet to begin with. Isn't every mother's wish for their child to live a full, happy, wonderful life? That's all I want for my precious Huddy. I never want ANY syndrome, label, disorder, disease, abnormality, or difference to stop him from doing what he wants to accomplish. Never. And I never want to see him hurting or sad because he feels he isn't accepted or that he can't do something. I know any good parent feels this same way. 

So then I find myself remembering that these doubts, and fears, they don't have any substance. The devil is doing his darndest to get me to feel defeated. And I refuse to give into that. I have hope that my little man is going to do GREAT things. I've said it all along, God has BIG plans for this kid. Just look at that last picture! 

Man, when I think about how my heart aches at that the thought of my baby hurting in any way shape or form it makes me wonder if this is any glimpse of how Jesus feels when we are hurting? Goodness. It's overwhelming. 

I can honestly tell you that Hudson doesn't have any directly serious medical issues from this syndrome and for that, I am grateful. This adventure of parenting is wonderful, and I am blessed God chose me to be Hudson's mommy. 

Anna

Hudson Goes to Florida

We left warm, beautiful, sunny Florida early yesterday morning and returned to overcast, damp, chilly Kansas. It was a wonderful trip and coming back was hard but home is always good. So with the another impending snow storm headed our way I thought I would sit down and share about the adventures of our trip. 

Ry & I before leaving KC.

I had some anxiety about this trip 1. going through TSA with Hudson's Ponseti brace  and 2. traveling (flying) with a baby. So, of course, I did my research and decided that Hudson would just wear his brace through security so that if TSA decided to start questioning the brace they could see that he needed to wear it. We walked through and set off the buzzer so they asked us to step aside. 20 minutes later both Ryne and I got a full pat down and were finally cleared. It really didn't bother me at the time because I guess I had pretty much expected it but I later started thinking about the fact that there could actually be someone coming through that is dangerous and they were wasting their time with us. Not to mention, the newly revised rule that passengers may now carry pocket knives on air planes. Really?! Who needs a pocket knife on an AIRPLANE?! Rant over. Sorry.

So as we took off on our first flight with Hudson, I was SO nervous! I didn't want to be the people on the airplane with a screaming baby. I could just imagine him screaming and crying the whole time and both Ry and I being stressed to the MAX trying to console him. I know it's not something we can entirely control and there are so many people who completely understand, but there's always Joe Schmoe who apparently has either never had children or just thinks his children are better than everyone else and will stare/give dirty looks the entire time. Thankfully, we didn't have to worry about ANY of that. Hudson was a complete dream. He slept and played the entire way and didn't shed a tear! We just keep thinking that this isn't real. Haha. And it's a good thing too because our first flight into Nashville went right through a storm and was hit by lightning, twice! I have a touch of flying anxiety to begin with so that just about sent me over the edge. Luckily, we landed fine and our second flight was a cake walk.

The week in Florida was incredible. We had so much fun watching Hudson experience so many firsts! We made a little exception and let him have a little more free feet time just so he could enjoy the sun & sand while we were there. We have been really committed to his brace wear for so long, partly because I was so adamant about him having the best results possible and partly because Hudson has made it so easy. One thing that I have been continually reminded of about Hudson, is that he has a very soothed and steady demeanor. Even before birth, he was just go with the flow.  As I reflect on the past 6 months and all of the journey we have already experienced, I am amazed at his progress, the way we have become a family, the knowledge and expertise of our doctors who have helped us step by step, and the many moments when our friends and family have stopped to say a prayer for Hudson and those little miracle feet!

Hudson's first time swimming. He loved it. I think we have a water baby! (sorry for the paleness!)

Hudson baby's first time on the beach. And he was 6 months this day!

Miracle feet experiencing the ocean for the first time.

Hudson loves his Auntie Annie so much! He is blessed to have aunts and uncles who love him so much.

Hudson visited the zoo for the first time in Florida

His favorite animal was the giraffe! Probably because he loves his Sophie so much!

And this sums up Hudson's thoughts after an adventure filled vacation. :)

Mama said there'd be days like this

Time for an update. Lots to update! First, I just need to say that I really enjoy getting to share our story through this blog. I used to write all the time. It was therapeutic, and I sincerely loved it. I had journals full of diary entries, prayers, thoughts, whatever. Being able to write again has reminded me how much I loved it, and why it was so important to me.

October - Lots & lots of cuddles with the boy. He was Tigger for Halloween. He slept through all of the trick or treaters coming. October flew by fast I felt like. I guess that's what happens when you have a new baby! We are so blessed with Hudson though. He is such a happy baby. In October, he started smiling...a lot. Nothing better. Nothing.

Everyone always asks us, "is he a good sleeper?" I just smile and say "yes, yes he is." I did so much reading about babies with clubfeet before Hudson was born so I could prepare myself for what would be to come, and what I read a lot of what that babies with club feet have a harder time sleeping through the night. Makes since. With all of the castings, surgeries, and the brace...I totally got it. But when Hudson slept through the night for the first time at 3 weeks...I was appalled. I just knew it wouldn't last. But it did. He has only had a few "sleepless" nights here and there due to some uncomfort from his treatment. Those nights seem so long. But I often have to remind myself how LUCKY we are that he just did this on his own. He's amazing.

November - Hudson had his tenotomy at the beginning of the month. It was really an unexplainable feeling to know that this was the right thing, the best thing for Hudson even, but to know that he was going to have to go through pain to get there was SO hard. I do think this was the hardest part of the entire treatment process.  They casted him immediately afterward, and we took him home right after the procedure. That might have been the scariest part. We were told to watch his bleeding, and that if it was excessive to call. He had some big spots of blood on his casts, and we freaked a little but in the end it all ended up to be okay.

We also celebrated Hudson's first Thanksgiving this month. He didn't get to fully enjoy the holiday, but I imagine next year he will indulge in some turkey and mashed 'taters. :)

I went back to work the following week after Thanksgiving. Being a working mama is a whole different ballgame people. All mama's work hard, and stay at home mama's work hard, I know, but being a working mama is pretty tough. There is a lot to balance. Being devoted to both career and family. I especially think teachers have it tough. I know so many teachers that work so many late hours just to give their students the best they deserve. As a mommy, its a tug of war of devotion. I am slowing figuring out how to manage it all. I love my job, and it is my calling in life. But I have quickly learned that I am FIRST and FOREMOST a mommy to Hudson and wife to Ry, then I am a teacher.

December - Has begun! It is my very favorite time of the year, and not just because of my birthday. ;) I just love the entire environment of December! The shopping, the lights, the cool crisp air, family, and lots of love! The biggest thing so far? Hudson is cast FREE! Last week he got the casts removed, and we came home in a new brace (aka snowboard)! The best part about the brace is free feet bath time. Hudson loves it. And I really love touching his little toes! The adjustment to the brace has been a little bit of a challenge for Hudson. He has had to learn to kick both feet at the same time, and his right foot has been a little sore. But we are going to make it through this transition phase just like we have every other step of the way.

You wanna know the best part about this whole process? The Lord has been with us each step of the way. We are so blessed to know He has not left our side.

Joshua 1:9

As I watched Hudson coo and laugh the other night, it was as if I heard a voice inside tell me something very important about him. He is a very special boy. The Lord has plans for my son. Amazing plans. He is going to be the hands and feet of Christ.