Are you sure?

My son has the most incredible, special feet there ever were. His little toes are so adorable. I love how soft and sweet the are. And when he runs, sometimes my eyes well with tears of gratitude. 

"For we live by faith, not by sight."
-2 Corinthians 5:7

Today we met with his orthopedic doctor. Our first visit in a year. As we entered the elevator to the office, I looked over at my husband and referenced the many times in Hudson's first few months of life we had been in that very space. Anxious for what would be. 

I can't help but to tell you that I was anxious today about our appointment. We experienced so many unknown things when Hudson was first diagnosed with clubbed feet. It was as if all of those feelings came rushing back. 

But today was different. Today, the doctor looked at us and said [jokingly],

"are you sure this boy had clubbed feet?" 

As if to say, his feet are so perfect now that he just couldn't believe his feet had been so deformed at birth. 

I realize now that Hudson having clubbed feet at birth was like literally one of the more mild issues we could have dealt with as brand new parents. But I also remember the despair I felt for my child when he was born and began to have his feet casted every week. 

There are so many parents experiencing challenges with their brand new little ones that can be SO scary in those first few months, and you just feel like you have no idea how you will make it through. Not only do you adjust your sleep schedule, but your body (as a new mama) is going through some wacky changes and things in general. Then to top it all off, you have this child who depends on you for it's every need. It can be a bit much for two people to handle. 

I remember what our orthopedic doctor and his physicians assistant said to us in our first ever consultation with them. It struck me then and it still strikes me when I think back on it. 

I was a hot mess in that doctors office that day. I was a 20ish weeks pregnant woman who had just been told her child was going to have bilateral clubbed feet and would need lots of treatment in order to even be able to walk, let alone run or dance [like he does so BEAUTIFULLY today]. I was thinking about all of the things we would face as new parents with a child who had clubbed feet, and I was on the verge of tears through just about the whole thing. And then the PA looked at me and said so very honestly, 

"you just worry about your baby, we are going to take care of his feet." 

If the tears weren't flowing before that point, they were then. 

And I kind of think sometimes that is what God is saying to us [in a round about way]. You just keep on going, I'll take care of the rest. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds in the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they?"
-Matthew 6:25-26

Oh boy, I got a dose of a reminder today in that office again. Two years later. We are blessed. OH so blessed. And God, the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, Alpha and Omega, He is oh so GOOD. 

One Year Later

My dearest Hudson,

I cannot believe it's been a year since that eventful day you came into this world. I want you to know how many people were there at the hospital, all day, waiting for your arrival. Before you even arrived, you had captured the hearts of so many. But as your mommy, I cannot tell you how much joy, fear, strength, and love you have brought into my life. I have said it so many times, but before you, I had longed so much to be a mother and you made all of those hopes and dreams come true by making me one!

Your entrance brought a lot of joy, but there was also a lot of uncertainty. As your mommy I worried a lot about whether you would grow and thrive the way I know God intentioned for you to. There were so many people praying for you and your treatment as an itty bitty boy. I remember those first few weeks being some of the most heart aching, wonderful days of my life. It was hard watching you have to wear those little casts all of the time. Yet, I was mesmerized by you. We dreamt of the day we would watch you run and play. Although there were days that were extrememely difficult, I want you to know that Jesus kept me constant and reminded me that you, my son, were going to do great things.

As the days slowly turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, you continued to not only grow and thrive, but overflow our cups with joy and love. You were SUCH a good little boy. You slept well, you ate well, you cuddled, you cooed, you pooped, and you did it all in stride. I know there will be a lot you will teach me about patience.

Hudson, this past week, celebrating your first birthday was simply a reminder from the Lord of His promises. Jesus promised daddy and I that He would take care of you this first year and the years to come, and he did that and so much more. I wish there was a way to put into words how it feels to be your mommy, but I simply cannot limit the love I have for you to a few words on a page. You must know through everything I do that you are loved immeasurably more!

You will look back at pictures as you grow big and strong and see that there were many people here to celebrate you on your first year. You are that special to so many people. It was the most perfect day. There was a crisp fall feel to the air, and the sun shone so bright for you. Friends and family filed into our little house with food, gifts and smiles anxiously awaiting to hear your sweet giggle or catch a glimpse of your stunning smile with those eyes that would light up a room. We laughed as you (and mommy and daddy) opened gifts and you were so enamored with the big kids trying to help as well. We celebrated by singing happy birthday, and letting you dig in to your monster cake. Which you did, and you ate about half. Haha. The day was simply a reflection of the joy and happiness you have brought us over this past year. And in true fashion, you made this day even more perfect by taking your  very first steps. YOU my son, are a miracle and those first steps are more than just that. They represent all that you will accomplish in this life.

I want to wish you a very happy first birthday, and simply try and tell you I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for being my joy, and my pride. You are my boy.

Love,

Your mommy


We partied hard to celebrate your birthday sweet boy, here are our captured moments!