Baby No. 2 - Coffee, Diapers, and Joy

In the past week...

We've had less sleep than we've had in the past 3 years.

We've consumed 50 gallons of coffee.

We've changed 30 little diapers. 

Then had to wash baby poop off of the comforter.

We've slept with two little boys in our bed...and two big dogs. All at once.

We've consoled a crying newborn, and wiped the tears of our 3 year old. 

We've consumed 50 gallons of coffee. 

Did I mention we've consumed a whole lot of coffee?

And I cannot even begin to describe the amount of joy that has flooded our hearts in the past seven days. It's like this natural high we've been on for days, and it just won't go away. There are always so many uncertainties with a new baby that bring a certain level of insecurity and doubt in new parents, 

and it's not to say there haven't been those. 

But the moments when the joy comes rushing in like a powerful wave on the coast overwhelm my heart and the uncertainties and doubt are drowned in my absolute adoration for my three guys. 

My family. This is the good stuff. 

If you'd have told me last year that the pain I was feeling post-miscarriage would lead to this joy, I'm honestly not sure I would have believed you. B

But today I can say God's promises are true. 

I've found myself looking at my husband thinking, how in the hell did I get this lucky? Excuse my french but, seriously. 

He's on the high too. 

I've watched him dive in completely...without any hesitation or frustration. "You are fully embracing the dad life, aren't you?" I asked him last night as we drove around looking at Christmas lights. He looked over at me with the fullest smile I've ever seen and he didn't need to answer. 

My cup runneth over. 

One Year Later

My dearest Hudson,

I cannot believe it's been a year since that eventful day you came into this world. I want you to know how many people were there at the hospital, all day, waiting for your arrival. Before you even arrived, you had captured the hearts of so many. But as your mommy, I cannot tell you how much joy, fear, strength, and love you have brought into my life. I have said it so many times, but before you, I had longed so much to be a mother and you made all of those hopes and dreams come true by making me one!

Your entrance brought a lot of joy, but there was also a lot of uncertainty. As your mommy I worried a lot about whether you would grow and thrive the way I know God intentioned for you to. There were so many people praying for you and your treatment as an itty bitty boy. I remember those first few weeks being some of the most heart aching, wonderful days of my life. It was hard watching you have to wear those little casts all of the time. Yet, I was mesmerized by you. We dreamt of the day we would watch you run and play. Although there were days that were extrememely difficult, I want you to know that Jesus kept me constant and reminded me that you, my son, were going to do great things.

As the days slowly turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, you continued to not only grow and thrive, but overflow our cups with joy and love. You were SUCH a good little boy. You slept well, you ate well, you cuddled, you cooed, you pooped, and you did it all in stride. I know there will be a lot you will teach me about patience.

Hudson, this past week, celebrating your first birthday was simply a reminder from the Lord of His promises. Jesus promised daddy and I that He would take care of you this first year and the years to come, and he did that and so much more. I wish there was a way to put into words how it feels to be your mommy, but I simply cannot limit the love I have for you to a few words on a page. You must know through everything I do that you are loved immeasurably more!

You will look back at pictures as you grow big and strong and see that there were many people here to celebrate you on your first year. You are that special to so many people. It was the most perfect day. There was a crisp fall feel to the air, and the sun shone so bright for you. Friends and family filed into our little house with food, gifts and smiles anxiously awaiting to hear your sweet giggle or catch a glimpse of your stunning smile with those eyes that would light up a room. We laughed as you (and mommy and daddy) opened gifts and you were so enamored with the big kids trying to help as well. We celebrated by singing happy birthday, and letting you dig in to your monster cake. Which you did, and you ate about half. Haha. The day was simply a reflection of the joy and happiness you have brought us over this past year. And in true fashion, you made this day even more perfect by taking your  very first steps. YOU my son, are a miracle and those first steps are more than just that. They represent all that you will accomplish in this life.

I want to wish you a very happy first birthday, and simply try and tell you I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for being my joy, and my pride. You are my boy.

Love,

Your mommy


We partied hard to celebrate your birthday sweet boy, here are our captured moments!

Answers

It's been a few months since my last post. I had assumed I would blog more when summer hit, but I have been so consumed with spending time with my little family it's been difficult to sit down and do it. Should I also mention I've started my MASTERS! I'm a crazy girl, I know. But I have to get it done before any more babes. That's my goal. Being a professional, an effective teacher, its important to me and I didn't want to loose that in myself. I want to be fair to myself and show my son how to follow Gods will for his life even when it's not cookie cutter simple. That's that. I'm doing it, and I wouldn't have had the faith to jump into it had my husband not pushed me! He's my support. So that being said, I just finished my homework for the night and wanted to reflect on today and the past few months (since I am such a dedicated blogger).

RANT: I will NEVER be a that insanely amazing perfect blogger, with tons of projects completed, organized house, life, etc. SORRY. AND it's hard sometimes because I am such a perfectionist. That's why Pinterest is bad for me sometimes. Makes be feel constantly inadequate.

BUT THEN I REMEMBER: My little family is IMPERFECTLY PERFECT. And I LOVE this life. So its okay. It's messy sometimes. And then I clean it up. :) Haha. My hubby hates it when I get all OCD. 

Okay, so past few months have been wonderful. Summer began and we HAVE been working on some house projects, some baby projects, and have been loving our time with Huddy.

Recap of the past few months:

1. Hudson has 4 teeth.

2. Hudson can crawl.

3. Hudson talks and laughs ALL of the time. It is PURE joy.

4. Hudson is pulling up. Freaking me out.

5. House has been BABY PROOFED!

6. Hudson eats ALL of time! And he feeds himself. He's like a real little human. Whoa. 

7. Hudson loves to swim.

8. Mommy is a nervous wreck all of the time with all this movement.

9. Feet check up NEXT WEEK. (Crossing our fingers for daytime FREE feet, aka, boots and brace will only be worn while sleeping.)

10. God has still been faithful. No words.

A boy and his dog. He is in love with Lucy. We warned her this would happen. She definitely had it coming!

Discovering black beans are SO messy, but SO fun. Boys.

Enjoying Nanna & Pop Pop's pool.

The face of ornery!

Today we had a long awaited appointment to get some answers about Hudson's club feet and minor hand issues. First of all, can I just say how blessed we are to have such a wonderful Children's hospital right here in our city with so many wonderful doctors and nurses? Ok, yes. It's true. It's wonderful. 

Today we met with a Genetics doctor. We went in with several puzzle pieces, club feet, deformities in his hands, fused spinal bones, and possibly some eye, and heart issues. We left with a diagnosis. Hudson has what is called Duane-Radial Ray Syndrome. It's a pretty huge answer to prayer to know now what this disorder is that has affected my family for five generations now. It's what I have with my little crooked thumb, and what several other family members have. For so long, they assumed Hudson's clubfeet was an isolated case, but today we discovered that clubfeet is just a variation of this syndrome. He may have a slight "lazy eye" although not very noticeable. He also has a very small heart murmur, which is not of huge concern as they are fairly common. One of the other symptoms of this syndrome is hearing loss so Hudson will go in for regular hearing tests. His Daddy also has mid range hearing loss and that's a family trait on his side so it's pretty possible Hudson will have to deal with some of that as well. 

I just wanted to cry today. At first, I was so happy to finally know that we had a diagnosis and that we could use that to know what to expect. So I wanted to cry because I was happy. It's a big deal. Then, it was all just a little overwhelming, and I wanted to cry because I didn't know what his future would bring him. It took me back to the same moment when we discovered he had club feet to begin with. Isn't every mother's wish for their child to live a full, happy, wonderful life? That's all I want for my precious Huddy. I never want ANY syndrome, label, disorder, disease, abnormality, or difference to stop him from doing what he wants to accomplish. Never. And I never want to see him hurting or sad because he feels he isn't accepted or that he can't do something. I know any good parent feels this same way. 

So then I find myself remembering that these doubts, and fears, they don't have any substance. The devil is doing his darndest to get me to feel defeated. And I refuse to give into that. I have hope that my little man is going to do GREAT things. I've said it all along, God has BIG plans for this kid. Just look at that last picture! 

Man, when I think about how my heart aches at that the thought of my baby hurting in any way shape or form it makes me wonder if this is any glimpse of how Jesus feels when we are hurting? Goodness. It's overwhelming. 

I can honestly tell you that Hudson doesn't have any directly serious medical issues from this syndrome and for that, I am grateful. This adventure of parenting is wonderful, and I am blessed God chose me to be Hudson's mommy. 

Anna